I'm Gonna Fly
by Danni-2005
Summary: Lily has led a hard life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.
1. Prologue

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

Prologue

One day the whole world looks like an open page.

It hit the floor with a thud. And there it lay on the floor of the fourteen-year-olds bedroom lost and forgotten. Sure, it would be picked up and put on a shelf for storage. But what it was meant for, the life it could have helped to save if someone could have just deciphered the knowledge it held would go forgotten, unknown to the world. 

It was a book. A diary to be precise. Appearance wise it was no different than any other diary. It was a plain book that had been covered in denim. The kind you would buy at a bookstore for 6 pounds. But this one was different.

It had a hundred pages in it, yet only one was written on and it bore these simple words. 

_August 31, 1974_

Dear Diary,

I am tired of fighting this battle. If I knew one person would miss me maybe I wouldn't do this. In fact, if one person loved me enough to care I know I wouldn't do this…but no one does so why bother? Why Care? Why Try? Why not? So tomorrow it's all going to change. Tomorrow I will go to Hogwarts. Tomorrow will be the day that I die.

Lily Evans

And there it would lay, on the floor of the fourteen-year-olds room. Not cared for, not noticed, not taken care of…Much like the girl who had wrote it.


	2. Chapter One

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

**__**

Chapter One

And you've been dancing as fast as you can with a smile on your face.

All she could do was walk. There was no other word for it. The simple process of putting on foot in front of another was quickly becoming to complicated. Sure, she was book smart. But she wasn't a nerd. Being a nerd would have been better than her current social standing. Lily was what a muggle therapist would call _a wallpaper child_. Lily could live and not be noticed; stand three foot from you and you wouldn't see her. And that was more dangerous than the most obvious, attention-desperate, rule breaking class clowns.

So naturally, Lily had no problem slipping past the prefects on the platform in Hogsemede. No problem at all. _Like taking candy from a baby, s_he thought with a small smile that no one saw. And without looking back once Lily ran straight towards the one place that most Hogwarts students had the common sense to stay away from. The forbidden forest.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**__**

Flashback

Lily sat on her bed at home her back to the door. She was doodling not as much drawing as sketching random lines on a paper until the design intrigued her. She was mulling over a letter she had just received. A practical joke from one of her friends probably. She glanced over her shoulder again, toward the desk in the corner of the room. 

Sighing, she got up and preceded to pull out the piece of paper. She had found it sitting on her window ledge this morning and if that didn't scream evil trick by her sister or pathetic prank by friend, she didn't know what did… But she couldn't help but wonder what if it was real.

She lightly traced the seal on the back of the envelope. It was an odd Seal she couldn't place it but then again that didn't strike her as something that her dumbass sister would think up. Petunia was five years older than she was. Old enough for them to have hated each other since the beginning. And hate each other they did. Petunia had gotten the ability to get whatever she wanted whenever she wanted it. Lily had got the brains. It wasn't much of an arrangement but it was the hand fate had dealt them.

Lily pulled the letter from the envelope and stared at the words once again. Though by now she had them memorized. Knew them like the back of her hand.

__

Dear Miss Evans,

You have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry…

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

__

Things had just gone down hill from there, Lily thought. She continued to run, not quite sure of what she was afraid of. No one at school even knew her name. So no one would come after her sure the teachers would miss her eventually, and sooner or later some one would find her body but what would it matter then? She continued to run. She hadn't wanted to get away from something this bad since…

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

**__**

Flashback

She couldn't sleep, and what made that strange. She had shown the letter to her parents and they had been sure it was real. Her family had been so happy, well most her family. Except Petunia but nothing made her happy; short of doing things Lily didn't even want to think about with her friends and boyfriend. So she just lay there, on her left side with her covers pulled up over her head. 

It was no use. She wasn't going to get to sleep. This was so annoying! She needed her sleep! She had been up all last night worried about that damn letter! Frustrated Lily rolled onto her back and glared at the ceiling. Then, and only then did she hear it. Voices. It took her a second to realize where they were coming from.
Lily was beginning to realize that they were coming from the vent. She got up and walked over to the register on the floor when she heard clear as day, "I don't care if she's my sister! She's a fucking freak and she should be put through hell for what she's done!"
"Yeah, well at least I don't look like a barn yard animal," Lily muttered under her breathe with a small smile. But despite what she had said, she was intrigued. She sat down Indian-style next to the tiny grate in the floor and listened.
"I know, Petty," Lily almost cracked up at the nickname, thinking how appropriate it was for her sister. "But do we have to do it this way I mean her freakish-ness might rub off on me. And I don't wanna touch her any more than you do." It was a male voice, and a whiney one at that. Sounded a little like her sisters boyfriend, Vernon. But with the whimpering quality, one couldn't be sure… 
"I know. But the little freak is going to feel helpless. And with her knew 'powers' she's gonna be feeling like she can take on the world. Let's just get this over with," her sisters disembodied voice floated up to her. Which, left her wondering what exactly she was talking about.
Lily got up and walked over to her bed, sat with her back to the door. Sitting down on her bed she stared out the window. She glanced back towards the grate. _I imagined it, the whole thing. I am slipping._ She thought. _This letter from that witch school has made me go wacko and forget what's real._ Lost in contemplation, she completely missed the figure that slipped through the door and stood silently in the shadows.

She sighed. _I really need sleep. I am hearing voices now. And those of my family… That's just creepy. _She smiled at that thought, and reached over and turned out the light. That's when Vernon grabbed her. She tried to scream but he covered her mouth.

"Let's be a good little magic freak and make this easy on both of us," he growled at her. Lily was desperate. She tried to bite his hand but he didn't seem to notice. She tried to wiggle out of his grasp but that only made it more difficult. He yanked her up by her hair and literally dragged her down stairs. And to of all places the kitchen. 

The light was on and the occupant of the room turned to face her with a cruel smile. "Hello, my dear baby sister! Still feeling all powerful," She cooed in a sugary-sweet voice. Lily glared daggers at her. "You are. Oh that's ok. You always were stupidly stubborn."

Lily tried to struggle again. Vernon was ready for it. He jammed her head into the wall. "You might as well relax and get used to it. Your not getting away," her sister stated. "Now come here and were going to give you a little gift."

Petunia marched over and grabbed her sister's left elbow with one hand and her wrist with the other. She then marched Lily over to 'give her what the little witch deserved.'

Lily's eyes went wide as her sister mashed Lily's forearm onto the burner. All she felt was pain…and she couldn't even scream.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

Four years had passed since then and it had become ritual. Every year she would stay at Hogwarts during all the breaks and every year she would be forced to go home for summer break only to have them pull something similar. She was tired of it. She never told anyone. Who would she tell? Her "dad" had left when she was born and in his absence her mother had turned to drugs and alcohol to fill that gap in her life. Her mother would have called her a liar if she had told her. 

Then, there was Todd. Todd was her mother's live-in boyfriend. She was supposed to consider him her father. She figured if he didn't love her mother enough to marry her, than Lily didn't care about him enough to think of him in that way. She wouldn't tell him either she knew he had only pretended to be happy about her letter. The only thing that had pleased him about it was that she was gone for nine months out of the year. _He would probably give "Petty" an award_, the-fourteen year old thought with contempt.

Lily absent mindedly traced the rubbery concentric scars on her forearm, the physical reminder of that night. She had tried her hardest not to give up on life. If life was really a dance, then Lily decided that she had absolutely no rhythm. She'd tried to keep on a smile, tried to stay out of the spotlight, tired to keep on living. But her hardest was not hard enough. And now standing in the middle of the forbidden forest she sat down and waited for whatever may finish her off to show up and get it over with.

****

That's Chapter One… Hope you enjoyed it if so let me know and if not… Let me know anyways. This is my first ever Harry Potter Fanfic and my first posted angst. So now for thanking my reviewers.

Jennie — Thanx Jen, You have no idea how much your review meant to me. I read it during computer seventh hour and said really loud "OMG! SHE REVIEWED!" lol I got a really weird look from Mrs. Stoneking, the computer teacher.

**River Goddess**** — Thanx. It's reviews like yours that make it worth writing.**

**Jess S**** — I know their so much fun to write yet oo so annoying to read…maybe if they weren't so tempting I wouldn't have to write them. :D**

**Starborn**** — Thank you a bunch! I am so into the dark L/J stories that people think I'm odd. So to have someone tell me it was good meant a lot!**

Sincerely Danni-2005


	3. Chapter Two

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

Author's Note: In this chapter there is something that caused a huge dispute with me and my beta reader. She said that there was no way that a certain character could have been a death eater in his fourth year. That 14 is way too young for that. I say that in L.A. kids are involved in street gangs at fourteen. In a court of law a fourteen-year-old can be tried as an adult in some situations (i.e.-Murder). And I honestly think that if the option had been placed in front of Draco Malfoy in book two to aid the heir of Slytherin he not only would have helped but would have sold his soul for that opportunity. So if you could review and give me where you stand on the issue I would love you forever.

**__**

Chapter Two

Then the Earth and the sky they open together.

Sitting there, Lily decided that waiting to die was more torture then actually killing herself. Wondering how she was going to die. Who would find her body? How much of it would be left to find? If any was left at all… She stared up at the full moon. It was beautiful. Too bad she wasn't going to be around to see it ever again. She got up of the rock that she had been sitting on and walked around the clearing. 

Death. That's all she wanted. Was that too much to ask? It seemed like a simple enough request and she kneeled down next to a tree. Well, maybe if the world would give her a break and let have _one_ friend she would accept it. Give up on this death wish. But that was never gonna happen. One thing you had to realize was that just because a child was brought into the world didn't mean it was supposed to be there.

She leaned back, taking advantage of the tree trunk that supported her. _They had probably just about finished the sorting ceremony, by now. Another group of children who were going to go through school grow-up and live happy, spiritually full-filling lives, _Lily thought sarcastically. It was all going to be over. Soon, she wouldn't have to deal with it anymore. And with that thought, she closed and fell asleep.

She was awakened by a snapping, a heavy footstep. She opened her eyes to see a boy with black hair. He looked to be about her age. _Green lining on the cloak, gotta be a Slytherin…an ugly Slytherin…_ She noted mentally. He glanced around the clearing, but his eyes did not catch her in the shadows. Sighing the boy, sat down and ran his hands through his greasy, chin-length hair. And too her surprise the Slytherin started talking to himself.

"'Prove my loyalty'? How the hell does he want me to do that! I guess I could kill some mudblood…" he said. Well if this wasn't a sign of how she was going to die she didn't know what was.

"Like me," Lily said. The boy jumped up and turned and took in her features in surprise. She was cute, Fourteen with a height that was slightly on the small side, though she was more developed than most girls in their year. Her straight auburn hair went down to about the bottom of her ear. She had deep green eyes which at the moment were devoid of any emotion just an emptiness that could have rivaled that of the most tortured human being. 

"What the fuck are you doing out here," He snapped at her. How dare she come out here and interupt him. She was a little Griffindor. It was as if the girl didn't get how much better than her he really was. 

She didn't move at all as she answered him, almost as if she wasn't here, as if she was somewhere else and this shadow of herself was dealing with him. "I don't have to answer unless you answer that question, too."

"Why you little bitch! Stop trying to play cute with me," The boy warned.

"How can I be playing with you when I don't even know your name," she responded, coolly. She was keeping her face and voice completely deadpan. She really didn't care who he was but she figured from the earlier snippet of monologue she had heard, that if she got him angry enough he would do something drastic and she wouldn't have to deal with this world, this life, anymore.

"Are you joking? Everybody who's anybody knows me," He said, haughtily, which earned him a look that said 'Do I look like an _anybody_ to you?'. The Slytherin pressed ahead. "I am Severous Snape." 

"My name is Lily, my last name is of absolutely no concern to you as I will not be here much longer," The young-adult stated. This seemed to piss the other boy off. 

"What the hell are you trying to pull? Are you implying that _I _do not disserve to know!" Snape was outraged this pathetic excuse for a witch was trying to tell him he was below her. And she wasn't even a real witch she was a mudblood. Now, the day that a Mudblood would be better than Severous Snape was the day that he would fall in love with one. And that was never going to happen because**—**

Suddenly realization hit Snape. Death wouldn't hurt her. He didn't know how he could explain it but it just wouldn't. Living would. Something in her eyes told him that. So to really hurt her he had to do something that would make living even more painful than it already was.

Lily didn't like the sudden change in the way he was looking at her. It had changed, with absolutely no explanation very quickly, from her being dirt to her being a piece of meat. She didn't like that look. She had had men look at her that way since she had lost her baby fat, but she never thought anything of it... untill now. She didn't think of herself as pretty, how could she she had scars all over her body from the four years worth of heavy abuse she had taken.

The only light that night was the full moon. An eerie light that would make it hard to make out his features when he was on top of her. Lily tried hard at the beginning to stop him. But then gave up. And through it all the voice in the back of her head repeated over and over again the same words that she had wrote in her diary back home. 'Why bother? Why Try? Why Care? Why not?'

That night Lily Evens was raped by a boy she had known less than an hour who didn't even know her last name.

****

That's Chapter Two. Hoped you all liked it… Yeah I know it was short and for that I am sorry but I really didn't want to write this chapter and so I kept it as short as possible. But thanx for reading all the same and if you want I have another story up now called The Demetors in my Head. Go ahead and check it out it's only PG for mild swear words. And it's good. It's one of my humor ones. It's just made to be amusing cause last night I was in too upbeat of a mood to write this.

Now for thanking my reviewers.

jacy – Thank You! I live for Dark Fics the humor ones are good too but the Dark ones are where you usually get some plot. Not that this one has any…at least not yet.

**starborn**** – THANX A MIL FOR ADDING ME TO YOUR FAVES! I READ YOUR STORY AND I LOVED IT! :$ That maybe part of the reason this is late. but hey that is ok. I couldn't stop read I may have to go to group therapy for it. "Hi my name is Danni" "Hi Danni" "And I am addicted to reading my reviewers fanfics" audible gasp from rest of the group LoL!**

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss**** – NEILA! MY FRIEND! THANK YOU FOR REVIEWING IT MEANT A LOT! AND ADDING ME TO YOUR FAVORITES EVEN IF I DID BEG YOU TO DO IT. **

**Young Golden Unicorn**** – Thanx! Your Kewl just for reviewing!**

**River Goddess**** – AND THE FIRST EVER PERSON TO ADD ME AS ONE OF THERE FAVES * - GOLD STAR YOU HAVE MADE ME HAPPY! AND A TWO TIME REVIEWER TO I WANNA BE JUST LIKE YOU WHEN I DON'T GROW UP**

**Mystic Queen**** – I know it's sad but as one of my favorite sayings goes The Brighter the Light at the end of the tunnel, the Darker the tunnels got to be. And this one is Dark. So here gives her a flashlight… Batteries not included!**

**kitty**** – Yeah the who saves her bit…Still hasn't happened and probably won't for a while but that's what makes the endings happier when they do happen.**

**Jess S**** – In answer to your question yes it's a full moon. But I bet you didn't see that one coming. Yeah it's gonna be L/J but it's gonna take a while. Thanx I love angst. But it scares my english teacher I even manage to have my Term Papers turn out morbid. LoL!**


	4. Chapter Three

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. And the indifference part is actually from a speech by Elie Visel. I know I know I spelled it wrong but that's ok.

Yet Another Warning: I am not only screwing over there the age that Snape became a death eater, I am wrecking time line. I know that the Marauders didn't become animagi till they're fifth year and they didn't start on the map till after that but you can bite me cause I'm changing that.

**__**

Chapter Three

And carry me away as light as a feather.

All Lily could do was sit there. She was beyond tears. Someone who had been through all the shit she had didn't cry. It was like she had developed immunity to pain. Sure it was there, but you didn't feel it. You endured pain up until the breaking point and then there was no more need for tears. You couldn't make them come if you tried. 

Snape had been gone for about an hour. He had just got up, got dressed, and left. Without a glance at her, without a word, he had headed into the woods in the direction she assumed was the castle. Lily just sat there not putting on her cloak just wrapping it around her, like a blanket. The strange thing was that she didn't hate him. She should. She should loathe his very existence. But she didn't. She couldn't feel and hatred was an emotion.

Indifference. That was what she felt. Indifference is probably the worst human emotion as it elicits no response. Joy, anger, passion, pain all can produce something. Some one is in great pain and they write a symphony and it's beautiful. People who are angry try to change their situation and so it brings about reform. But indifference has never produced anything, and it never will.

She slowly stood up and put her clothes back on. And with no expression what so ever, she went into the forest in the opposite way that the Slytherin student had departed with only one thing on her mind, _I'm gonna fly_.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

If she had been in her right mind at the time and had stopped to think about it, it would have only made sense that she would end up back in Hogsmede. But now that she was there, where did she go? She didn't want to have to deal with anyone. People only would try to stop her. Also, after what she had been through she really wasn't in the mood to be social. 

Lily desperately wanted to be alone. But where do you go? It was then that the most pained sound reached her ears. She looked up and it didn't take her more than a moment to realize where it was coming from. The Shrieking Shack. You would have to be deaf to have gone to Hogwarts for three years and not have heard the ghost stories that went around. But that's exactly what they were some stories made up to tell at sleepovers…but then again, how did you explain the noise?

So she did the only logical, if someone in her condition could be logical, thing. She was going to go check it out, something that took either a lot of courage or a near suicidal drive; both of which Lily possessed. Slowly, in the trance-like way that had become perpetually present for her, she walked up to the gate. It was a disconcerting sight that was for sure. At two stories high, with at least six windows showing on the side facing the dirt road that led past it, it had a very foreboding air about it. 

But someone in a mental state of Lily is one who just observes, sees but takes no heed of the things around them. They can't be stopped or reasoned with. They just _do,_ not believing that their actions are affecting anyone. After all they do not plan on being here much longer. _ Why bother? Why care? Why try? Why not…_

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The door creaked as Lily opened it but she barely noticed it. She was too busy taking in her surroundings. Everything was shattered or tore at and blood stained the floor. That alone would have been enough to send any sane person running, but not Lily. What did she have to lose? Her life, that was all. And she was willing to give that up.

She slowly entered and closed the door behind her. She didn't want anyone to know she was here. They would only try to stop her. _I wonder if I died right here, would anyone find my body? Probably not. But the issue is: Is that a good thing or a bad thing?_ Lily was so lost in this philosophical debate of mortality, that she didn't here the sound of something moving overhead.

She glided further into the room, running her hand along the back of a shredded chair. She fingered the fabric, fiddling with the frayed edges of the slashes. Her eyes continued to roam around the room. There used to be a mirror on the wall it appeared to have been shattered. Fragments still lay suspended in the frame while others littered the floor.

She let her eyes drift to the pieces on the floor to the bloodstains on the carpet. She unconsciously moved over to them and knelt down. She ran her had along it, wondering how it had gotten there. And that is exactly how it found her. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

He could smell it. That was his first sign. But it wasn't the usual scent. It wasn't that of his companions. It was someone else. Someone had been stupid enough to wonder into his domain, his sanctuary. Well, whoever the hell that someone was, he thought savagely as he began to descend the stairs, they would pay dearly for the impudence. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Surprise, that was the first emotion to register on Lily's face then determination. She was going to go out and she was going to go out with courage and calm acceptance of her fate. She silently stood and faced the wolf that was panting in the doorway. It seemed momentarily put off by the absence of fear on it's victims face, her calm pacifistic view of the situation. But he got over it in less than a moment, lunged at her. 

He barreled into her, knocking her off her feet. She looked up at him with empty, hollow eyes. The wolf growled and snapped it's head forward intent on biting her face. The last sound that reached Lily's ears was the sound of a vicious snap.

**** Muwahahaha! A dreaded Cliffhanger. Dun Dun Duunnnnnnn. LoL. Sorry bout that, but it's better this way. Now, for thanking my reviewers. 

**River Goddess**** — I'm sorry that it's not longer. But I do plan on having it be a decent length story and if I get a lot of reviews I'm going to do a sequel. I'm glad you liked Chapter Two. I thought it was a nice twist but that may be just me.**

jacy — Thanx for supporting me on the death eater thing. Very few people seem to agree with me on that. Yeah fluffy ones are fun to read in between dark ones or else they start to get to you.

**kitty**** — I know! Snape is such a creep. You can't help but hate people like him. And as much as I would like to leave him out I will need him later in the plot. Yes, Virginia, there is a plot.**

**starborn**** — I took your advice and am reading some of Ceso's fics. I am in love with Thing. LoL.**

**Jess S**** — Thank you. I'm glad you think I'm good at this. Only a couple of my friends can believe I write this stuff. They think I'm too "Peppy!" grimace**

**ladybird2223**** — And the queen of angst herself! Thanx, Callie. If anyone here has seen second season digimon check out ladybird2223's stuff. She is the reason I can write like this. Love you like a sis, Callie! You rock.**


	5. Chapter Four

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. And the indifference part is actually from a speech by Elie Visel. I know I know I spelled it wrong but that's ok.

__

HEY EVERYBODY I GOT A CHALLENGE FOR MY READERS! I WANT TO SEE IF ANYONE CAN FIGURE IT OUT! THE LINES AT THE TOP OF THE PARAGRAPHS ARE FROM A SONG CALLED I'M GONNA FLY (HOW TOTALLY IRONIC!) NAME THE ARTIST AND MOVIE IT WAS WRITTEN FOR AND I'LL DEDICATE A CHAPTER TO YOU! Yeah I know not much of a prize but I would like to see who figures it out. (Inelligible: Ladybird2223, Niela, and Jennie. Sorry guys that's the way the cookie crumbles…)

****

Chapter Four

Chase the clouds from the ground in the big blue sky.

The wolf's jaws closed empty less than an inch from her face. He seemed to be suddenly held back, as if by air itself. But as all in life is, that was an illusion. He was suddenly jerked backwards and Lily couldn't help but feel disappointment. It was as if fate was tempting her, proving how cruel it could be showing no sympathy for the cruel hand it had dealt her.

The wolf was tossed back by a huge black dog, something that looked like an omen of death itself. Momentarily, Lily wished it was. The wolf hit the wall with a sickening cracking sound. He charged at her again but this time the dog intercepted. The both tried to go for the others throat. The wolf got in a good bite and managed to throw the dog off balance. It tried to lunge past it at the fourteen-year-old kneeling on the floor in shock of what she was seeing. The dog seemed to expect this though, and sank it's teeth into the wolfs leg. The wolf let out another tortured howl. 

Lily stood, completely in awe of what she was seeing. It looked so human… So planned, as if they actually had the thought processes to try to stop it. It looked like a choreographed stage battle. Where everyone knew their parts and their rolls, how to effectively stop the other so no one got hurt. She watched completely mesmerized, as the dog seemed to be putting itself at risk to help her.

Now the battle seemed to take an unexpected turn, the wolf grabbed the dog by the throat and tossed him limply into the wall, where he slid to the floor and lie completely still. It's eyes seemed to focus on Lily as it took a few steps forward in her direction. It seemed to smirk, as if it was finally going to get something that it had been waiting for a long to do. But of course if anyone should be feeling that emotion, it was Lily.

It took two running jumps towards her, before something gracefully bounded in between. The stag only seemed to paw the bloody carpet, as if warning the wolf to back off or he would have to get ugly. The seemed to be frozen in the eternity of the moment, just looking deep into the other's eyes, daring them to start something. Lily was watching so intently that she didn't feel the tiny claws on her arm. So when she heard a squeaking coming from her left shoulder, she whipped her head in that direction. On her shoulder, sat a tiny rat with it's tiny claws digging into her.

Lily was surprised when the sound of a scream reached her ears, and it took her a moment to register it as her own. The noise seemed to startle the stag to. It jerked its head in her direction to see if she was all right. That was all the distraction that the wolf needed. With a snarl, it lunged at the creature standing between it and it's meal. He got it in the hind leg of the animal and sank it's teeth in deep. The stag reared up in pain and kicked the wolf in the head. 

The wolf sank to the ground as she and the stag turned around. Horror registered on the creatures face as he saw her lift a shard of glass to her throat, intent on plunging it straight into her windpipe. And without revealing his secret, he was helpless to stop her. And what was worse was the girl had no idea of who her company was. One thought was on her mind, and that was making the clouds that darkened the horizon of her future go away.

**** Muwahahaha! Another Cliffie! I know I'm cruel but this should be the last one for a while if your good little readers and review… I know it's TERRIBLY short… but the next one should make up for it. Now for thanking you who reviewed… 

**cessa**** – Welcome to my cult! But really Thank you I was starting to wonder if it was only certain people could see it cause I was seeing the same names over and over! NOT THAT I DON'T LOVE THEM EMENSLY FOR REVIEW EVERY TIME I WRITE A CHAPTER! It's great to have you abroad. Hold on to your hat, it's gonna be a bumpy ride. Oh and of course I had to scope out the new reviewer, I absolutely loved Perfect Illusions!**

**River Goddess**** – O,o You don't know how much sense that made… grin But as always thanx for tolerating my ramblings! **

**Jess S**** – Yes, all my stuff is original…I try to avoid the norm, ya know drowning in the prefects bathroom, and of course to overused Harry Potter Suicide Method Of The Century: Jumping out of the astronomy tower…though part of me just wants to do that because it would go with the title…sighs**

**starborn**** – Always good to hear from you, Starborn! And in the immortal words of Sirius and James in Somethings are better left unknown. "No human sacrificing!" "Sirius is right. It's not good for our image."**

mysterious-angel – oooo! Another new victim! J/K…I think…Thanx for reviewing hope you will join my lil happy group of readers that review every chapter.

**kitty**** – Not much better…But somewhere between chapter 6-8 there should be a turning point, if everything goes according to plan.**


	6. Chapter Five

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Song is by Sydney Forest. 

Sorry this one took so **_EXCRUCIATINGLY LONG! _** I had a term paper and it had to be done. So if anyone would like to come to my high school and help me kill my English teacher that would be much appreciated. And last night I had to go to a **_Relient K Concert!_** And you wouldn't want to deny me _that_ would you? LoL. I thought not.

Congrats to AllMyOwn for getting the answer. This ones for you.

**__**

Chapter 5

Don't wanna watch it all go by, so I'm gonna fly.

It seemed to permeate every aspect of the moment. An udder sense of terror, of helplessness, of total incapacity to save the girl. They didn't know anything about her; short of that she was a Gryffindor. That they could tell only by the red and gold scarf that she wore loosely tied around her tiny neck, that one couldn't help but notice with the object of vanity turned weapon poised their. Four creatures sat in the tiny room, a girl, a stag, a dog, and a rat. 

Lily moved the object over about three inches. She gently began to apply pressure her hollow eyes turned to the floor and were given a distorted image of herself from the tiny fragments of glass that had become embedded and scattered all over the carpet. The crimson of dried blood gave the twisted view of herself a very morbid and imposing back ground of the situation.

She watched where she had drawn the piece of reflective glass across her neck. The line turned white for a moment then red as blood began to appear in a growing line she was slowly apply more pressure as she drew closer to her throat when she heard the sound of a scream. The kind of noise that a cornered creature would make she looked up to see the dog whimper and make eye contact with the stag.

A small smile played across her now pale face, which appeared even paler next to the crimson sticky fluid that was pooling quickly around her cut. "You all seem to be exceptionally smart for animals," she said in a soft, sweet voice, as if talking to a two-year-old. "And yet why I can't expect you to understand my reasons, I'm guessing you realize what I'm doing. It's not as if you care. I'm just talking to myself. First sign of insanity," The girl commented.

The rat seemed to be disturbed he kept running between the stag and the dog, squeaking to the fates themselves, trying to change what was going on. The black dog seemed to be withdrawn staring at the girl a sort of mixture of fear and concern on his features. The stag was different he seemed to be on in an emotional war, one side being determination, the other uncertainty. One thought kept going through his head _I can't just let her die!_

He wasn't attached to her in any way what so ever, had never laid eyes on her before tonight. Maybe she was a year or two younger. She seemed pretty little. But judging was something he shouldn't do. She was definitely in pain and he had to do something or else she'd die. But what could he do. He couldn't stop her in his animagus form without hurting her. And judging by what he had seen more pain would only make it worse. But if he changed back he could save her without bringing her to harm, yet then he would have to trust a girl he didn't know with one of his deepest secrets and that also meant he would be target to the wolf if he woke up.

But would he be able to live with the mark of another human life on his conscience?

For one occupant of the room the world was starting to go fuzzy. She shouldn't have stopped to talk, she didn't have the strength, the energy to press on. She leaned forward, on all fours trying to support her weight she was panting and air was suddenly an unattainable commodity. Her fingers slowly uncurled around the shard of glass, displaying that it's jagged edges had cut into the flesh of her hands. Blood now flowed from those wounds, adding to her loss of it. She leaned back against edge of the fireplace. Beads of sweat were now forming on her lip and forehead. It all hurt. Life hurt and that's why she was getting out.

It was really going to happen to her this time. This time, there was no one here to save her. No reason why it wouldn't happen and then suddenly she felt a touch of…regret. Over what she couldn't tell, for she had no idea. Maybe that it had not gone so bad. Maybe it was that no one would miss her no one would wake up tomorrow and wonder where she was. No one would ever need to talk to her. No one would go looking for her, well until her teachers started to notice how many times they were writing down her name on the absentee list.

And for a moment she thought it was a mistake. For a split moment she thought that maybe it she stuck around something in her fucking life would give. And for once that thing wouldn't be her. Than she remembered all the shit that she had been through in her life. Every night that she had been tied up. Every night that she had been beaten, cut, branded, or burned. She remembered every single tear that she had shed, laying on her bed, vainly hoping for her life to get better.

And then there were the things she couldn't remember. Not ever hearing "I love you." Never having any one tell her "good job" or "I'm proud of you." She couldn't remember her dad. She would sit there trying pointlessly to conjure up memories, to make him more than the man in pictures but she couldn't. That's what father would always be to her. A word. A word with no meaning, no sentiment, no reality. 

It was getting hard to even think now. Lily lifted her hand and lightly traced the bloody line across her neck. She raise her arm and held it away from her so she could look at it. She held it near her face as if confirming to herself one last time that this was actually happening. She was gonna leave this earth just fly away. She wasn't gonna sit here and watch it anymore. She was getting her wish.

She put her hand to her face to help her neck support her head from falling forward. Her blood mixed with sweat. Lily could smell it. The smell made you want to vomit, and Lily had to fight back the retching that her body seemed to be doing as a reflex. The stench of sweat mixed with the almost faintly metallic scent of blood. Her eyes began to flutter and she didn't fight it. The small girl's frame hit the floor with a sickening thud.

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~

The stag couldn't take it anymore. He had watched the whole sickening scene, hoping beyond hoping that he would think of the girls name or something insightful enough to stop her from taking her life. This plan had been unsuccessful. He had sat there like a mindless idiot and watched the whole thing. He watched her run her hand along her neck and stared at it with the same vacant realization as the teen whose blood it was. But he couldn't do anything, it was like he was sitting in a waking dream on which he had no control over.

It didn't become reality until her small frame slumped against the bloodstained, glass-strewn floor of the horrific shack. Until then it was a dream, a sort of psuedo-realism where you exhisted and that was all. Interaction was beyond you, especial in situations like this, situations where interaction was the thing that was screamed for with every nuance of the moment. The stag stood there observing the whole incident waiting for it to stop, for him to wake up, for anything.

Then realization hit him, with all the pain and cruelty that reality is associated with. He was in the room with a girl whose life was quickly fading away, draining from her very body with the substance that poured from her wound. And he could change that…But at the risk of his own life. The deer glanced toward the limp form of the wolf. He was asleep for now but how long would it last. He glanced back at the girl and realized the simple truth of the moment…_What kind of person would I be if I just let her die?_

In the eerily silent room, a soft pop could be heard. The dog and the rat seemed startled and went rigid as there heads snapped back to the source of the noise, surprise written all over there features. There suspicions were confirmed. _He really was that stupid!_ Where the stag had stood there was now a boy. Fourteen years of age, dark hair, blue eyes, glasses, Hogwarts robe, and according to the other two occupants of the room at the moment, _no common sense what-so-ever._

The boy didn't seem to be wasting any time in getting to the girl's side. The speed at which he reacted seem to break the dark spell her act had but upon the room and it's occupants and the animals followed the boy to her side. He quickly untied and retied the girls house scarf, this time much tighter than before. The cloth which had been created to identify her personality to others, was now preserving it so that others would get to know what that personality was precisely. It was disturbing watch the gold stripe slowly become crimson where it was touching the open wound.

The boy began to pick the girl up to get her to the castle or at least out of mortal peril, when they heard a sound that made their blood go cold and their eyes grow wide. A unmistakable feral, vicious gowl.

I know, I know…Enough with the cliffhangers! But believe it or not they give me incentive to write. So lets start thanking some reviewers shall we?!? 

**Lamina Court****—A new reviewer! Thanx for reading Jen. Yeah I read profiles too. **

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss****—Yeah, Neila, how could I forget with you pestering me about it all the time at play practice.**

**Young Golden Unicorn****—You got the Artist that's a lot more than most got! Great job! And as always Thanx for reviewing. **

CrazieBabieMeg—Don't we all…sighs Thanx for reviewing! I love newbies! 

**cessa****—I know! You can't help but feel sorry for her… Thanx for reviewing.**

**EuGIeBeAr****—Yet another new victim…Muwahahahaha…ok I probably just scared a lot of people away from reviewing LoL. Thanx for reading it!**

**AllMyOwn****—Very good! Give your friend my congrats! And from a first time reviewer too! insert one of those anoying talk show noises they use for first time callers**

**River Goddess****—Ah thanx River Goddess It wouldn't be a chapter without you reviewing!**

Tarabella—LoL I know but like I said earlier it will come into the plot or else I wouldn't have done it…

**starborn****—And ladies and gentlemen always one of the first to review! Starborn! audible cheer rises from audiance Thanx for reviewing! Love hearing from you!**

**Alriadne****—You can never add too many stories to your faves! And tanx and gattling guns for reviewing!**


	7. Chapter Six

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Song is by Sydney Forest. 

**__**

Chapter 6

Higher than I ever could.

__

Let me be insane, please. Just tell me I'm hearing things. Those were the first and most desperate thoughts that went through James Potter's mind. But, what he neglected was fate. And fate doesn't care who you are, where your going, and how desperately you want or need something. Fate really couldn't be less indifferent to your cause. If anyone needed proof of that all they needed to do was glance at the girl he had in his arms. 

It was then that the irony of the situation struck James. It wasn't the amusing kind of ironic situation, like muggle comedies focus on. This was the kind that really existed. Cruel, uncaring, twisted darkness. And there wasn't a thing he could do to change it. He was going to die at fourteen, not even knowing the name of the girl he died for, and the best he could hope for was that neither one of them would suffer.

The dog growled and brutally threw itself at the wolf. The wolf seemed so intent on it's obvious prey, that in its bloodlust he had completely been ignorant of the other two's presence until the dog barreled into his side. Teeth found weak spots and fresh blood oozed out to stain the floor for the second time that night. The wolf didn't seem interested in the dog at all his eyes only left the two humans when his survival in this battle depended on it. He had gone forever without blood. He wasn't going to let this opportunity slip past so readily.

James needed to help. There was no way that Padfoot could hold him off on his own. Sure, Padfoot was a great fighter but he was no match for a werewolf. Yet, something stopped him from intervening, from fighting the fight that was just as much his as it was the dog's. And that was the frail life that lay in his arms. He may have stopped the bleeding but she still had lost a lot of blood. If she was going to survive she would need help, and the boy would be damned if he had done this only to have her die because of his inaction.

So, it was set in his mind that he would have to get her back to Hogwarts. It was then it dawned on him. There was no way he could take her up to the infirmary. He couldn't explain his absence without things getting ugly. He looked down at her. There were claw marks on her arm and her uniform was partially shredded from the short time that the wolf had got to her. He would have to take care of her himself…If he could even take care of himself.

He grabbed one of the old photographs off the mantel. The frame was so dust-laden that you could not even begin to formulate the image that lay behind the grayness that covered the glass. James ran his thumb over the edge of the dusty pane, knowing that this was possibly the last thing he would change in this world. Then he did something, the only thing that occurred to his desperate mind at the moment. The fourteen-year-old took aim, cranked his arm back and launched the object at one of his best friends in the world.

The heavy projectile found its mark, proclaimed by the sickening thud that accompanied it as the object and the wolf who he had thrown it at fell to the blood-spotted carpet. James sighed and ran his hair through his hands he would have to tell Remus how he had gotten that bump, which he wasn't exactly looking forward to. He had to get the girl to someplace safe but he couldn't take her back to Hogwarts. With one final glance at the werewolf the boy headed toward the sixteen wooden steps that led to the only safe place for her, the master bedroom.

The dog watched them leave and just shook his head mutely. He wasn't sure which of them was stupider the girl or his best friend. Though at the moment they both seemed to have a death wish. The canine rolled his eyes and followed the teenage duo up the stairs. _If for no other reason then to find out her damn name!_

~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ * ~ *

The dog padded in just to see the boy gently lay the girl down on what remanded of the torn, mutilated mattress that lay upon the floor. The bed frame had long since been torn and bitten to pieces, shards of which still adorned the floor. He watched silently as the boy went over and bolted the door and pushed a scratched, badly battered chest of drawers over to the doorframe. He rested his head against it, closed his eyes, and let out a sigh of relief and tension, trying to remind himself that he wasn't out of the woods yet.

The soft sound of the teen's sigh almost covered the faint pop from near the window. The boy suddenly found himself jerked around and thrown forcefully into the furniture he had just moved. It wasn't hard enough to knock him out but it was hard enough to knock the breath out of the dark haired boy who knew he'd have a dark bruise tomorrow to prove testimony to that. He found himself jerked up and staring to the deep dark brown eyes of his best friend.

Those eyes now held an anger in them that they seldom did. It was in that moment that James doubted that he had done the right thing. "Are you a fucking moron! We've been animagis for a month and a half and you've already given us a damn good way to get caught! You shouldn't have kept her here, James!" His friend was furious. All summer they had talked about how not to get caught, all the things they wouldn't do. Their first time doing that here at Hogwarts and they were already playing with fire.

"What was I suppose to do dump her on the doorstep? Or even better, sit there and watch her die. Sirius, cut the act even you wouldn't have been that much of an ass!" Why was his friend acting like this? He had done the best thing. No, it hadn't been the right thing but it had been the only thing he could do. The only option that had made any sense but he wasn't helping her at all standing there arguing fruitlessly with Sirius about it.

He had to heal her. He turned around and aimed his wand at the tiny female frame. "Esu—" James uttered the first syllable when the unthinkable happened. The tiny girl, the helpless one who had been dependent on him for survival a few short eternities ago, lay on the tattered mattress, just as he had left her. Except for one thing, she had turned her head and opened her eyes.

James' blue eyes went wide with shock. Green haunted orbs silently blinked back at him. The pain and the disappointment that lay in them, repressed yet there, was disconcerting. They didn't seem to focus, as if she could see everything and nothing at the same time. Both boys took an involuntary step backwards as she seemed to magically lock eyes with both of them at the same time.

The girl simple question the girl uttered haunted them through out their dreams for the future. The darkness of the moment said volumes yet nothing at the same time. Pain permeated the moment, and the three young humans very souls. Something like this is not easily forgotten and leaves a deep mark. A scar. Not a visible one but ever present all the same. "Why can't I die?"

There ya'll go. As always thanx for reading. Sorry this took so long but I got a part in the junior-senior play even though I'm a sophomore. (It's weird don't ask…) Anyways on to my reviews. ****

LJKalways—I know isn't it just the sweetest thing ever! 

Hermione's evil twin—Who says that it's gonna be "typical" Muwahahahahahahahaha.

Amelia—Another new victim I am gonna have to make buttons for all you guys that say "First time Sucker… I mean reviewer". 

**The Infallible Teller****—Thanx I love the graphic stuff. J And I read Papa don't preach you did an awesome job on that one.**

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss****—Yeah he can have his doggy treat now. Or give it to Padfoot. **

Cessa—Three Cheers!

**EuGIeBeAr****—Yay! Another return reviewer. Tanx!**

**starborn****—The authentic of all the reviewers! Love ya! Guess who's back…back again…starborn's back…tell a friend!  
  
****Lamina Court****—Lamina…L-A-M-I-N-A now backwards A-N-I-M-A-L! Very kewl thanx to Neila for pointing that out.**

CrazieBabieMeg—Thanx! That's what I was going for! And you didn't need to tell me your not on drugs I have enough burn-outs wandering around my school to figure out that one! wink  


**River Goddess****—Thanx! It wouldn't be a chapter with out hearing from you!**


	8. Chapter Seven

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Song is by Sydney Forest. 

**__**

Chapter 7

Feel the wind blow through my hair. 

A startled look passed between the two life long friends. The same thought went through their heads at the same time. A thought that knotted their stomach's with fear and froze the blood in their veins. James was the first to gain enough composure to speak. "How long have you been up?" He asked, not exactly knowing how to respond to her question so he didn't. 

The girls eyes were taking in the room now, impassive, not really caring about the boys who stood in front of her expectantly. In Lily's mind she was a caged creature. Trapped, tortured, and already dying. "Long enough," she said devoid of emotion. She knew that this wasn't the answer they wanted and it was very cliched at that but she was beyond the point of caring. What did it matter anymore?

"So…What's your name?" asked Sirius, flustered. It was the first thing that popped into his head and so he said it. And in his mind it was as good a place to start as any. Besides where the heck did you start a conversation in situations like this?

"It's of no importance," she stated for the second time in that very long evening. "And it's pointless I won't be here past this evening." Her empty hollow eyes burrowed into those of Sirius. He couldn't help it he shuddered at the lack of emotion and feeling there. It was inhuman. It was one of those looks that you saw in your deepest darkest nightmares. The look threw Sirius' judgement through a loop and he said the first thing that popped into his head.

"Oh, are you going somewhere?" As soon as it left his lips he regretted it. _How the hell could I be so fucking stupid! She seems the point beyond suicidal if there ever was that stage. _

James hissed at his friend in a low voice, "Man, are you really that dense!" James' eyes burned with a furry that they seldom held, but Sirius had to agree this time he deserved it. He was flirting with death, this girls life was pretty much in his and James' hands. And he wasn't sure he liked that idea.

Sirius wasn't about to let James know that though. "Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Smart Ass! I must not have been paying attention the day we went over how to deal with suicidal people in Defense Against the Dark Arts!" Sirius growled back sarcastically, practically throwing those words at James.

"Sirius," James countered under his breath, "As much as you must be enjoying this, It's not a joke so don't treat it like one!" James was mad that his friend wasn't taking this seriously. If ever there was someone who needed to know when to grow up it was James' friend.

A quiet response startled both of them, yanking them painfully back into the present. "Just to inform you, When one is suicidal, it doesn't mean that they suddenly become idiotic, blind, and deaf, contrary to what you two may believe." It was said in a completely dead-pan voice which reminded both fourteen year old males that they had something bigger to worry bout then their maturity, or lack of any.

"Er…Sorry," said James. "Sirius is just being a big prat. He's not usually like this, just so you know." James didn't know why he was telling her this. He was just opening his mouth and words were coming out. He talked so he could block out this information. She knew. They hadn't been animagi for even two months yet and they were caught.

"I know," was her simple reply the girls eyes had stopped going around the room she now seemed to be tracing some sort of circle on her forearm. He couldn't see what it was. Her robes, which hung limply off her small frame, blocked it from view. She seemed to be lost in thought.

"What do you mean 'I know'? How the hell would you know how I act?" Sirius snapped. He was slightly agitated now. James was treating him like some little child who couldn't take responsibility for his actions or comprehend what was going on around him. And now this girl. She seemed to think she was some kind of pocket mystic. Like she could understand things that were beyond the rest of the world's comprehension level. It was really starting to rub him wrong.

The girl looked up. This time focused on the window. "I see things. I hear people. I live the life that people think doesn't exist here at Hogwarts. The one that the teachers say doesn't exist; the life of a wallflower. Those who walk around and see and hear and feel things that other people don't. But it really doesn't make the slightest bit of a difference cause you don't see them. You don't hear them. They aren't there to people like you. I watched you guys play pranks since the first year. I've been there in ever one of your classes but I bet you can't tell me my name. Can you?" She stared at them for a moment as she sat up putting her back against the wall. She then pushed herself up, leaning heavily on the old plaster for support.

The two Marauders were quite at a loss for words. Not only had they never noticed her but the girl who had been sitting there quietly and just kind of taking everything in passively without even blinking had just put them in there place. They were stunned speechless. "What?" James asked hoarsely.

The girl was making her way over to the window, slowly with painstaking effort putting one foot in front of the other. "I said tell me my name?" By the time she had finished that sentence, she was at the window. Her hand was pressed into a fist behind her in the small of her back. As she waited for them to answer her seemingly simple question, small fingers uncurled, and shaking slightly closed in on the latch and grasped it tightly in a white-knuckled grip. A smile that didn't reach her eyes spread across her face. "Take a blind stab," she said.

"Carrie," said Sirius. Desperately trying to remember names from the sorting ceremony. He had been so focused on where he and his three friends had ended up he hadn't really paid attention to any one else. For all he knew, she could have sat right next to him at the feast that year.

A small hand made an almost imperceptible motion as the small girl lifted the latch and leaned back on the window. The eerie smile on her face became a little sadder and therefore more haunting. "Point proven," the young girl said as she leaned back on the shudders. And ear-piercing heart-stopping howl came from right behind the blockaded door, taking the boys attention off her for a split second.

Which was just enough time for Lily to fall through the shudders the gap in the window that she had just opened. She felt the air close in around her back, through her hair and pushing her cloaking closer to her back. The boys turned back to her just in time to see gravity take it's inevitable hold.

****

Yeah I know! Not another cliffie but there fun aren't they and I would like to try something as thrilled as I am at 50 reviews, (YAY!!!), I am gonna be mean and request 10 reviews before I post the next chapter. That way I don't sit there going well is there gonna be anymore for this chapter or is this it. Now to thank you all for reviewing. And another thing. I am looking for a plot checker. I run idea's by someone for plot and they can help me out of plot holes if any of you guys have MSN and are interested add me to your contacts. **i_b_dolly@hotmail.com**** is my email address.**

**starborn****—I'm not the biggest eminem fan but I do find some of his songs amusing that is one of them. J I know. I know I'm evil. But if you lock me up for it you'll never get to see what happens. And believe me it's gonna get good.**

CrazieBabieMeg—This chapter was kind of a challenge I think I made Sirius seem a bit dense… what do you think?  
  
**River Goddess****—Interesting that you should bring that up… hehehehe…**

**Lamina Court****—See Neila and I talk in backwards a lot. We find it funny and no on understands. Maybe I should write a chapter like that and see how many of you guys get it…lol j/k!  
  
Amelia—We're all suckers in our own little ways I, my friends, am a Watermelon blow pop!**

**Alriadne****—I'm glad half the time I'm like I'm wonder if this is really coming across as angst and everyones getting how much pain Lily is in. **

**The Infallible Teller****—Just for you an alternative version. **

Sirius: Because You're a virgin. And virgins never die. Check out some horror movie sometime.

James: mutters I could change that…

Lily: Smack Why you lil—It's people like you that make suicide appealing!

**EuGIeBeAr****--twilight zone music Possessed dolls…like at Walmart…I swear half there dolls are on something!**

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss****—Hey! Who here is the author. Patience, Patience! LOL! **

Cessa—I'm glad you think I have good reader relations. I know that it drives some of my friends nuts that I talk to my reviewers. They treat it like talking to voices in your head or something… And I'm glad you reviewed does little yes hand sign thing…


	9. Chapter Eight

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Song is by Sydney Forest. 

**__**

Dear everyone: You are now officially reading the last chapter with a suicidal Lily…well at least for a while. Yay! Aren't you all so happy yeah so read then review and tell me about it.

Chapter 8

Feel the Sun dance with the Moon. 

It was the greatest feeling Lily had felt in a while for some reason, she felt free. She closed her eyes and relished in the feeling, blocking from her mind the impending end. That was sweet in it's own right. It was about the end. She was gonna end it. She wouldn't sit in class and cry and her classmates wouldn't notice or if they did they would just stare. She wouldn't cry herself to sleep ever night. She wouldn't live in fear of the next break. She would be free and nothing more than that mattered in that split time of a half second.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

And it was in that half second that everything caught itself in James' mind. He fought so hard to save this girl's life. He had fought against one of his best friends. He had put himself in mortal peril, in more danger than most people would have to think twice before plunging into for a friend. But he had done it for a total stranger. He couldn't figure out why either. But his answer, whatever it may happen to be, just plunged headlong out a second story window. And he did the only thing that occurred to him in that moment of time. James put a hand against the window ledge and looked down. _I guess I've fallen further off my broom…maybe…_And with that thought the fourteen-year-old closed his eyes and took a deep shaky breath. And followed his fellow Griffyndor into a plunge that could very well mean him harm if this didn't work out right.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It was freedom in it's simplest and most blessed form. She was there free without the ground under her feet, without the walls closing in, without the threat of not being able to escape, of being helpless. And Lily was completely in love with it. She was totally immersed in the darkness of the night, held by the air, with her eyes closed and trust in nothing more then the end. That was when it happened. It came unbidden into her mind. The faces of the two boys, the desperation that had been there. Not for themselves, but for a girl they had never known. The girl they _would _never know. 

It was in that moment that it touched Lily. They had cared, maybe not for more then that moment, but they had. Some one had cared! Maybe not a lot, but it had been there. Some one had given a shit what would happen to her. And she had been to stupid to see it. For a moment, she thought about killing herself just because she was that dense. People that stupid didn't deserve to live.

But then a new thought occurred to her. What if they _really _cared? More then just a moment of conscious, but really would worry about her if she had stayed. Maybe she would have someone to stay with during the summer, someone to sit next in class who would pass her notes, someone to tell about her feelings so that it wouldn't get this bad. Maybe, just maybe, they would be her friend. It was a dream, and a slim one at that. But for a girl who had had no hope, no dreams, no light in the darkness she was lost, set adrift in alone and unloved, it was enough. Lily aimed the charm at herself and muttered two simple words. She knew they wouldn't be enough to stop her or keep her in the air but they should slow her down. "Wingardium Leviosa," She whispered, pointing her wand at herself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James Potter, of course, was totally startled when he saw the girl stop and hover mid-air that he made the detrimental mistake of stopping to think about. It the ground rushed up and met him as he landed awkwardly on his right side pinning his arm under him as he slammed hard into the earth and twisting his suddenly weight-bearing ankle at an angle it was never meant to be bent at.

A sizzle of electricity, white-hot energy, coursed through him. It was pain. Searing, mind-blowing, all encompassing. It was almost too much. But suddenly, inexplicably, it was gone. Completely. He opened his eyes, which had but moments before been squinted shut in an attempt to block out the pain. Blue eyes locked with green and a myriad of emotions swirled between the two. Confusion, desperation, acceptance, and concern were exchanged in that one simple short little glance and they could do was wonder what the other was thinking.

"What did you do?" James said, looking at his ankle and wrist. Both felt miraculously better if this was a charm it was now at the top of his 'things to master' list. Yet somehow he got the feeling it wasn't it was something deeper than that.

The girl pretended not to hear his question. "You came after me. Why?" She said, simply in a dead-pan voice.

James was beginning to wonder if this girl was even capable of being understood. "Why wouldn't I? I mean nobody is that heartless." He stated. He couldn't believe that the fact that he had tried to stop her mystified her.

"I can name at least two off the top of my head." The girl responded cryptically. 

"What?" 

"Never mind. It's my problem not yours. And I can't expect you to understand. Especially, since you just seemed to prove to me that you don't approve of my solution." She gestured off-hand to the window that was now above their head. His eyes followed the gesture and he shuddered at how close to death they had both scraped. 

As if on cue, a wolf hounded in the upper story room they had just departed from. _Yeah, _the boy stated mentally, _much too close._ It reminded him not only of how close they had been but how close they still where. "We should probably get you back."

"I'm not going back. And nothing you can say will change that. If you didn't figure it out from _that_, I am not going to continue this every day. I refuse to live that way. Being invisible, or if noticed made fun of." There was a fire in her eyes, a fierce determination. Yet also a desperation. It scared James for a moment till he remembered the empty hollowness that had seemed to hold permanent residence there before and he felt slightly better about it. But not much.

"Look, I'm sorry if that happened before. But it doesn't have to go on anymore. We can be friends," James tried to rationalize.

A cruel laugh emitted itself from the girl's lips. "I appreciate your some-what pathetic attempt at trying to make me feel better. But it has to sound hollow, even to you. In case you haven't noticed, you're a Marauder. Idolized by everyone at school. I would be impressed if any one at Hogwarts knows my name. And you don't even know my name so how can you even ask to be my friend?" she said. She acted tough and no one would have ever seen through the façade if she hadn't turned towards the moon slightly and the tears that rested on her slightly hollow pale cheeks.

The boy gave her one of his patented grins. "Your right. That's a great place to start. I'm James Potter. And you are?"

The girl stared at his hand for a moment before replying with. "Dying."

James looked at the girl with a mix of apathy and expectancy. "You seem intelligent enough so I'll make you a deal. Since your dying you give me a week of your time that you apparently don't have any plans or use for at this point. If I can't make your life worth living, I'll step out of your way and let you do to yourself as you will. Deal."

The fourteen-year-old female looked at the hand and appeared about to shake her head before her eyes went wide. James knew that she had seen. Things like that were just noticed by people who were in her situation and mindset. "As you can see I can more then understand your situation." He looked up and locked eyes with her again. This time there was only one thing prominently displayed. The knowledge that they shared a common bond.

The girl didn't even hesitate this time. She put her hand in his and shook it. "One week." She agreed solemnly with a nod. She started to drop his hand, but before it could fall limply to the side. He grasped it with his other hand and laced his fingers through hers. She would have pulled back if it didn't in some way feel right. Like she had finally found a port on this sea of darkness and she wasn't about to leave. At least not yet.

"Good," he said, with a small smile. "Now, lets get you back to Hogwarts and get you to the medical wing. I only have a week and I don't want you to be spending all of it suffering from residual effects of tonight." He glanced toward the east. The sun was starting to rise over the village of Hogsmede and the moon was giving way to the sun in the dance that had begun at the dawn of time and would continue until the end. It was one of the few constants of this world and the dance would never ever change. With it the howls inside the house became screams and then subsided into moans. But the two stood their for a long moment just watching taking it all in. And then, almost as one they began their trip back to the castle in which they resided during most of the year. 

It was a long walk and Lily was light headed for most of it because of the loss of blood and the terrible amount of things she had endured that night. And for a moment, looking back over the course of the evening, she thought maybe this was a mistake. Maybe she should have let herself die. But then she would feel the scarred inside of James' wrist gently brush hers and she felt like maybe she wasn't alone and with a small smile. She stopped and turned to him.

James turned instantly afraid of what she might say or do. But upon seeing her smile and the tiny shred of hope in her eyes that fear receded slightly. "Something wrong?" he asked.

"Lily," she said. At seeing the surprised look on his face, she added. "You wanted to know my name. It's Lily."

James smiled reassuringly at her. Taking in the girl's features in the soft glowing light of the sunrise. "It fits," he said. And with a shared smile, Lily leaned slightly on the taller boy for support as they headed off to face whatever challenges would await them at their school.

Wahoo! I like that chapter…I could end it there but it's no where near over yet! MUWAHAHAHAHA! Suffer oh well it's not a cliffie. Be happy. Now the 10 review thing worked well now let's see if we can do it again. _And I have another chapter dedication Challenge. If you can get your friends to review and say so and so told me to read this I will give you a lil brownie point. The person who has the most friends told about this story gets to have the next chapter dedicated to them! Fun!_ But now on to thanking those who reviewed. I got A long one be proud of me I'm a good lil girl! 

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss****—Thanx for reviewing.**

**River Goddess****—Don't we all at some point.**

Cessa—Yep! She's done…for now. 

**ladybird2223****—Thanx Callie**

**EuGIeBeAr****—Thanx I love cliffies. If you guys enjoy them too maybe I should reinstate them…hehehe **

**Lamina Court****—Thanx Lamina Your getting to be one of those ones that I'm kinda concerned If I have a new chapter out and they haven't reviewed yet. J **

CrazieBabieMeg—There they should be slightly more in character! Thanx again for everything Meg.

**Sayo****—Oooo a new reviewer! Welcome to my cult!**

**Alriadne****—Tanxie **

**starborn****—No! I'll be depraved on** **account** **of I'll be deprived!**


	10. Chapter Nine

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own _I'm Gonna Fly_. Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the courtroom. 

**__**

Chapter 9

And my feet can't stay on the ground any longer.

Lily didn't know why she was glaring at the ceiling, she just was. She had nothing better to stare at then the old chiseled stone beam that bore the weight and offered support for the ceiling. She would have laughed at the irony of it. Here she was when she should be dead, lying in an infirmary glaring at a _stone beam!_ She glared for a few more minutes before realizing how stupid she was being and rolled over onto her side. She lay there staring at the wall fighting back tears. 

She shouldn't have tears. She couldn't remember the last time she'd cried. She had stopped feeling when she turned eleven and now, after last night, she had allowed herself emotion. To feel, to live, to _be_. It was somehow not enough and right now all she wanted was for someone to rip her heart out and leave her lying there just to bleed. 

There was something comforting about blood. It made her feel so much more real. It made her realize that she was real. That she could feel. That in reality they were all so close to the edge that sometimes struggle was just pointless. Useless, just like everything one could accomplish in a lifetime. She watched the torch on the side of the door flicker and dance. The flames seemed to claw at the air like a tortured soul. For a moment Lily felt inexplicable drawn to them.

A single tear rolled down her cheek and feel on to the pillow, leaving a tiny perfect circle of damp cloth. Lily stared at it. Feeling slightly betrayed by it. It was a sign of weakness. But then again so were all the scars on her arm. Both the ones Petunia and Vernon had made and the ones that she had made herself as a result. She tore her eyes from the tearstain on the pillow and returned her gaze to the door.

James had left her early this morning, claiming that he needed to check on his friends. The Marauders. Of all the people around Hogwarts to notice her, and they would have been the last people she would have guessed _would have_ noticed her. Sure, she knew they were at least bright. How else could they do so well in all their classes. But she never thought they could become animagi. 

Well, no, not all of them. She had figured out Remus' little secret in her second year. He knew all the questions about werewolves in Defense Against the Dark Arts. That had caught Lily's eye and so she watched and sure enough he had been missing during the full moon. Besides darkness is drawn to darkness…

Lily turned over and glared at the ceiling some more, figuring it was just as useful as glaring at the far wall. Some how it seemed closer, more pressing. She should be dead. That's all she kept thinking. She _should _be dead! She didn't disserve to live what in the world prompted her to make that deal! She looked around her. Madam Pomfrey was so busy with another boy down further that had been brought in at about dawn that morning.

So Lily gently pushed the covers back off her and gently put her foot down. She mentaly recoiled at the cold stone against her feet. Her toes curled and she withdrew for a moment before realizing how stupid she was being. She was feeling again. Damn last night! Damn everything that had happened! Damn everything she had said! She was vulnerable again. It wasn't fair. She had finally stopped feeling nothing could have hurt her. She had finally been beyond emotion. She had been better then that, but here she was. Back at square one.

With that Lily got up, forcing herself not to think about how cold it was, especial for being only September second. Silently Lily made her way to the door and glided soundlessly over to the side of the hall and melted into the shadows. She was that nameless Gryffindor again. And somehow she felt more like her emotionless self just at the thought.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

James sat in History of Magic waiting for Sirius to finishing writing a reply to the not he had passed him. Of all the things to start the fourth year off with… But when he stopped and thought about it, the year hadn't started with History of Magic. It had started with going out with his friends illegally, having the fact that they were illegal animagi discovered, and running into a suicidal girl. Now **_that_** was the way to start the fourth year off. 
His thoughts did drift back to Lily. He still didn't know her last name but he would figured out. And when a Marauder set their mind to something, then it would get done. And he would find out her story. That would be slightly trickier. That only she could do and he was positive that she wasn't read to share that information with him yet if he had been so worried about just her name. But James was intrigued, and Lily's first lesson of the year was going to be never catch the eye of a Marauder.
But James could be tactful and if anybody could save her it was him and his friends. James looked down at the diagonal crosses of slightly darker tinted skin on the inside of his forearm. Yeah, they definitely would know where she was coming from.
    
****Well Everybody I know it's a short chapter but the last one was pretty long so uh yeah… And I'll try to make the next one longer I just needed a filler chapter. Ever fic has to have at least one of those! smirks Plus if I get to fifteen chapters I have a story that is in progress and another bonus material. The other story is called _ Mood Ring_. It's an L/J humor fic. And the other is _I'm Gonna Fly: Bloopers and Outtakes_. It's just funny little stuff I do it for all my friend's stories so I figured I should do it for my own. I'll post another chapter when I get 10 reviews.

**Lamina Court****—Anytime! They're all fourteen right now though I'm gonna give Sirius and James birthdays before christmas.**

**Samantha Riddle****—Thank you. **

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss****—Maybe…but it's not over yet…not by a long shot. **

**EuGIeBeAr****—I know! Neither can I!**

**Young Golden Unicorn****—Ok. Will do. **

CrazieBabieMeg—Thanx. Talk to ya's. 

**Alriadne****—And you are truly a great reviewer! **

**kitty****—There I added the bit where she is thinking about the werewolf thing just for you!**

**everblue3****—thanx! A new reviewer and loads of constructive cristicism! Does life get any better?**

**River Goddess****—Yeah that's always a plus…**

**starborn****—Maybe your right…lol**


	11. Chapter Ten

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own _I'm Gonna Fly_. Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the courtroom. 

**__**

Chapter 10

With every leap of faith, I feel a little stronger.

James didn't think he'd ever been happier to hear Professor Binns dismiss a class in his life. And when you applied that to History of Magic, that was saying something. He and the other Marauders grabbed their bags and dashed for the door as typical. Well, minus Remus. He was still in the hospital wing as he always was the day after the full moon. Now, he finally had a chance to go check on Remus and Lily.

It surprised James how much he could worry about someone he didn't even know the last name of. But yet he did and if anything ever happened to her… He didn't think he could forgive himself. He felt strangely attached and drawn to her. But in her eyes he was still the enemy. Sure, she had agreed to live for a week and see if he could show her why life was worth living. Yet, there was something in the way she had looked at him when he had left the hospital wing to get some breakfast and go to class.

"So, what was her name again. Lyra?" Peter asked. James hadn't expected him to remember. Peter had always had a problem with names. James and Sirius had to make name tags for themselves and worn them for a good while in first year.

"It was Lily," Sirius replied. "And, Prongs, I've been meaning to ask you. Was last night a first attempt or has she been planning this for a while?"

James sighed. "I wish I could tell you it was the first time, Padfoot. I really do. But, from the looks of her wrist, it's been a problem for a while." Something about just saying that made the task in front of them seem so much bigger. The group turned the corner in silence and began the way to familiar walk down the stairs to the infirmary. The trio seemed to be trying to ingest the information that James had just offered and take it in heed as they attempted the task that lay before them. 

"Er…Guys, I'm not sure we can saver her," Peter stated in a quiet voice.

"What?!?" If James was expecting a response from the Marauders, this was not it. They had helped him through being suicidal, helped Remus out when they had found out about him being a werewolf, helped Sirius through his little sisters death. If their was anything the Marauders know about it was the shit that can happen in your life and how friends could help each other out of it.

"James is right, Wormtail. We've got to help her. I mean we've never noticed her before so probably no one else has either. I mean if we don't, who will?" Sirius asked. James smiled appreciatively at him, and Sirius grinned back.

"But that's just it. We don't know her. We worked through it with James cause he was our friend." Peter replied.

"She's dying for a friend, in the most literal sense of the word. She needs us, Wormtail. We can't turn our back on her. That's not what were about." James retorted.

"And we're not group therapy! Prongs, just because you think she's hott you can't go head over heals for her!" Peter spat in response.

"I don't think she's hott! And even if I did, that's not why I want to save her! She is a human in case you didn't notice last night. That entitles her a shot at life or so you told me once. Unless, that was a lie." James' glare threw fire at his friend. 

Peter held his gaze and glared right back. "I'm not saying that we should Arvada Kerdava her or take a knife to her or anything. All I'm saying is we saved her last night, and that was a close scrape. Some one could have died, Prongs, and it could have been you. I'm not gonna sit here and watch my friends throw their lives away because of some Gryfindor we don't even know the name of." Both glared at each other, clinging tight to their opinions. Anger seemed to flow around the two teens so palpable that you could reach out and touch it, feel it, taste it. 

It was for that reason that Sirius cleared his throat and brought both of their gazes back to him. Both look slightly startled as if they had forgot she was here. He would have laughed if the circumstance were different, for if he laughed now he would most likely be hexed to kingdom come. "Guys, were here. Lets check on Remus first. Cause I'm sure that if he can remember what happened last night he's gonna feel guilty and want to meet her." 

Both friends looked down at the floor guiltily, as if this hadn't occurred to either of them and was now hitting them full force. Their friend had almost killed an innocent girl and his best friend. True he didn't know what he was doing or have any control over his actions but knowing Remus, he wouldn't take that into account. "So," Sirius began cautiously, knowing that he was tread on dangerous ground. "You guys ready to go in?" 

Upon receiving a nod from two of his fellow Marauders, he grasped the door pull with his left hand and yanked it open. The boys took a step toward Remus, who was sitting up and looked like he was being released. Remus looked up at them, as he usually did. That wasn't what scared the Marauders. It wasn't something that was there that chilled there blood. What scared them was what wasn't. He wasn't smiling.

All three fourteen-year-old boys darted across the wing to their friend's side. All where so preoccupied with getting to Remus that none of them noticed the vacant bed where a girl with red hair should have been. But as soon as they got to the bedside next to Remus, they wished they had stayed at the door. They wished they had stayed far enough back that they didn't have to look into his eyes.

Madam Pomfrey began to drone on about how he could go now and stayed out of trouble. But none of them were listening, and her message fell on deaf ears. They were all paying attention to Remus and what he was silently saying with his eyes. And it was powerful enough that it didn't have to be said with actual words. 'I would have killed them and there was nothing I could do about it.'

Yeah I know. It could be longer and it's bordering on a cliff-hanger but the good news! Yes there is good news. I am currently on spring break. Audible cheer rises from review section (Mainly from Ladybird, Neila, and Jennie.) Yes, yes. Well, anyway this means I can get a lot more writing done. But I won't post till I have 10. Remember that. 

**Flame Me****—Thanx urs rock too!**

**starborn****—Yes I wanna be just like you when I don't grow up. **

CrazieBabieMeg—I will most likely take you up on that

**Neila Nuruodo the Chiss****—Isn't it? Lol.**

Cessa—Ah but some of those are fun sometimes. They give you a break from the heavy stuff like this

KKDT—Lol. I try but you know. I don't have a lot of time usually.

**River Goddess****—ihahruhj hruawjtrf Thanx I will! Herjhnhjtnrkjetkjsenfv**

**Alriadne****—Kool-aid, blow pops and a sharpie Marker. **

**Lamina Court****—I know they are so cute and then u spend time with them instead of writing your story. Thanx for the input!**

Hanna-chan—Right now. LoL 

**everblue3****—Thanx I'll have Neila look it over for me. And I took your suggestion about the dialogue to heart.**

**EuGIeBeAr****—Here's one with dialogue for you.**


	12. Chapter Eleven

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own I'm Gonna Fly, Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

**__**

Chapter Eleven

Wanna swing from a star in the big, blue sky. 

Lily walked around aimlessly, taking in everything but yet taking in nothing at all. It was times like this that everything hurt. What happened to her was sinking in. She had been raped and not only that but she wasn't dead. She was going to fly away, one day, one way or another. She had wanted it for so long she didn't think she could stop. She knew that she had promised but something like that didn't go away.

People always say that suicidal people can be "saved". This always struck Lily as a mistake. To suicidal people death is salvation. The ultimate goal and the one thing you can get out of life. She opened a door and suddenly found herself in the Muggle Studies room. She herself had never taken Muggle Studies, but it wasn't that hard to figure out the purpose of the room. Her footsteps echoed hollowly as she stepped into the room. The sound of her gently shutting the door seemed amplified in the large room.

Desperate, fearful eyes that held none of the promise or hope that they had held last night scanned the room. The distraught gaze fell on something any muggleborn would recognize. A kitchen. Eyes that were not yet as hollow as they were last night went from the refrigerator to the cupboards. Continuing silently in her motionless tour of the new room, her eyes fell on the stove. Her body froze as her mind over-rode it all. 

Memories took forefront in the present. The conscious became subconscious as something she had been struggling for years to suppress bubble yet again to the surface. Smell of charring flesh filled her nose as clear as if it still lingered in the air of this setting a whole world. Yellowed with age wallpaper barely visible through the tears of pain and helpless rage. The fire and heat had crawled it's way through her skin. Hear the sizzling of her arm against the metal and coil. She wretched at the bile that rose in her throat at the experience threatened to make it's way up. 

And as quickly as it had come, it left. And in its wake a girl of mere fourteen lay in a fetal position. Silent tears rolled down her checks and splattered against the stone; lingering for a moment than fading into nothing. Much like the spirit, hopes, dreams of the girl who had shed them. Her shoulders didn't shake at all. There were not even any silent sobs. This was the rude awakening of a member of the living. 

She felt so foolish for not ending it all last night. It was as if she had hoped for something. She inwardly scorned herself. What had she expected? Compassion, Acceptance, Respect? This where fading lingering dreams; the kind little girls held before the world took there dreams and shattered them against the coldness of reality. But Lily was over dreams. She was over hopes. She was over this.

Rising silently from her position, moving with an air of complete calm and acceptance, she walked over to the drawers and began opening them one by one. Measuring cups. Spatulas and whisk. Forks, spoons, and butter knives. Steak knives. Lily picked one of them up and held in her hand. Holding it up to the light she watched the reflection, twisted and mutated, staring resolutely back at her. The light glinted of the magically polished metal as she moved, twisted, and turned it, leaving a pattern burned into her retinas. 

Not blinking, she pressed the piece of metal into the inside of her wrist. Cold, pale scarred skin clashed with the warmth the blade had retained from being held up into the rays of sunlight. She gently pressed down and drew it in a perfectly straight angle. Starting at the bone toward the outside of the wrist and continued the line to about six inches to the other side of her wrist ending about 4 inches down from the start and completely across the pale forearm. 

Vacant eyes darkened to a sage as she watched the deep-colored liquid seep from the injured flesh. The bubble of blood lay along the line and the girl watched the bubble expand till it looked about ready to burst. Closing her eyes she relished in the feeling of being so human, treading lightly across the line between life and death, flirting with the very meaning of mortality. The blood bubble burst and the deep sticky liquid flowed down her arm, staining the cuff of her rolled up shirt. 

Her head felt light and darkness began to creep into it's place around the edge of her conscious. She rested her forehead in the palm of the hand that belonged to her wounded arm. The smell of blood assaulted her senses. Faintly metallic, it was the scent that made most stomach turn. But Lily Evans was not most people. She was different. Most people wouldn't have done this. They would have been appalled at the self-inflicted injury. They would have ran at the thought of drawing their own blood just to feel alive. But for people like Lily this was the only way she could be sure she still was.

And as consciousness left her, her last thought was knowing that she would wake up. Knowing that, like it or not, she had a promise to keep. And no matter how often Lily had heard that this was the coward's way out, she was a person of her word. She would stay alive, if only for a week. As that thought began to fade into the recesses of her clouded mind, her body slipped into the state beyond pain and thought. The tiny teenager's frame slid down to a crumpled heap in the floor.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The normally sparkling blue eyes lost their twinkle. The elderly gentlemen slipped further into the room. He looked at the prone form on the floor and closed his eyes at the pain that threatened to overtake him at the thought of such talent destroying itself. Behind half-moon spectacles blue eyes opened, bearing the tired look that comes with age. He stepped forward and slowly stooped next to the young redhead. 

He gently traced the line with his wand and the blood seemed to disappear into the skin itself. The pink streaked turned to a white and became almost invisible next to the normal skin, thanks to this advanced healing. He pulled the cloth down over the injury and buttoned the cuff. Picking up the kitchen utensil weapon. He walked over to the sink and filled it with water. The old man processed to clean it the muggle way despite his super-natural prowess. He deftly rubbed the dirty rag over the jagged edge, it becoming bloodstained in the process. 

Old eyes watched as the now pink tinged water spiraled down the drain counter-clockwise. The old man simply dried his hands on a towel and set the blood rag down on the magically stain repellent countertop and muttered a charm under his breath. A red-gold flame leapt from his wand to the piece of fabric as it disappeared consumed by flames without leaving so much as a trace of its existence. 

Albus Dumbledore turned and looked one more time at the girl who was lying on the floor. He mentally debated what to do about her. After a moments hesitation, he concluded she was in no danger presently. If he moved her she might realize that someone knew about it and try more solemnly to end it. With one last glance at the small female, the headmaster made his way out of the room, leaving nothing but echoing footsteps in his wake.

IT LIVES! IT LIVES! Lol sorry for taking so very long. But I decided to get out there and live some life. I lived, it sucked, I'm back. Lol lol j/k! But I am back on the ball (whatever ball that may be…) and will be writing if I continue to get reviews. Lets try for ten. Or a week which ever comes first. :P

Alex'z Death Chic—Thanx! I loved your review! It really made my week. 

Lyz—Thanx for the praise it made me feel better about this story. 

oranfly—You'll just have to wait and see! Hehe.

monkey-see-monkey-do—Thanx! It's your reviews that make it worth it.

Satan Incarnate—Eric next time at least pretend you read it and review on the last chapter. :P 

CrazieBAbieMeg—Yeah Meg. Really Really!  
  
KeeperOfTheMoon—I know but if I make them longer I'll never get through the whole song. :D 

starborn—I would never think of undermining ur maturity starborn *sticks tongue out back* 

Alriadne—Yeah it should be illegal for Harry Potter Fan Fic Authors to go without kool-aid. 

EuGIeBeAr—yeah Peter was dropped on his head as a small child. 

Lamina Court—I'm probably not giving Madame Pomfrey enough credit but that's ok. I'm mad at our school nurse.

River Goddess—Nope no window just snuck out the front door. :P 

Neila Nuruodo the Chiss—That's where Lily is.


	13. Chapter Twelve

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own I'm Gonna Fly, Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room.

**__**

Chapter Twelve

Don't wanna watch it all go by. 

It was the kind of emptiness that you could drown in. That you would fall into and not no which way was up or down, no who was what and what was where. You wished it would go away but deep down, below it all you knew it wouldn't. And the worst place to see it was in your best friend's eyes. It was almost more than you could bear. Almost. James and Sirius held the painful stare of their friend. The look was too much for Peter, he glanced away before bringing his gaze back to meet Remus'. 

Madam Pomfrey continued to drone on for a moment. Upon seeing that her audience was completely oblivious, she told them she had paperwork to take care of and stormed off in the opposite way of the door. Thus, leaving the empty bed of her young female patient completely unnoticed; for the time being. The four occupants of the area she just vacated began talking in hushed voices about unknown topics. And if she'd only known…

"I could have killed her," brown hair fell limply in front of clouded gray eyes.

Sirius, James, and Peter exchanged a look over their despondent friend's head. "But you didn't, Moony, and that's all that matters, right?" Sirius covered quickly. Though it may have gone unnoticed by Sirius, the quick flash of emotion that passed over Remus' face at the nickname didn't escape James.

"No!" All four seemed to flinch at volume and accusation of his voice. It appeared to startle even him. He continued quieter this time so as not to draw madam Pomfrey. And though he lowered the volume of his voice the self accusation and scorn were still there. "It's not all that matters. I could have killed her and I could have killed James. And ya know what? I couldn't of stopped myself. Prongs wouldn't be here."

"I could have stop—" Sirius began.

"We don't know that." Remus interjected. "You might have been able to but then again maybe you couldn't have. This was our first time trying it at Hogwarts, well not counting that first time at the very end of last year. But that's not the point. If we're endangering anyone, I don't think we should do this."

"We're not!" Peter assured him quickly. "I mean, it was a freak accident. I mean how often does a suicidal girl go wandering around the forbidden forest? Then on top of that wander into a supposedly haunted building and run into a werewolf? It was a freak accident, Remus. And you know it."

"And it's not like the outcome would have been any better than if we hadn't been there." The others turned and looked at James as he tried to convince his friend it was not solely his responsibility. "In fact, would you really like me to point out what would have happened if it was just you and Lily."

"That her name?" Remus asked, his eyes showing that he had withdrawn into his thoughts and was only half listening to them. His head dropped and he picked at the balls of material on the pilled blanket.

Sirius jumped in before James could reply. "Yeah, it is. And if we hadn't have been there, she _would _have been killed and we all know it. Isn't that enough proof that just having us around?"

Remus sighed exasperatedly. "So, you guys saved the day. I bet you think your huge hero's and it's all gonna be better now. Well it's not. My point is if it almost happened this time, how many more almost are we gonna have? And if the 'almost' aren't scary enough, what about the real thing? In case any of you have that thing that happens to me once a month. It's unbearable painful and controls your life and dominates your life. I can't be on quidditch. I feel like shit for days before and days after. I couldn't, no, I _wouldn't _live with myself if I passed that on to someone else." He bite that out as quickly as he could, not even seeming to stop for breath. He looked up and looked at them. The conviction in his gray eyes was almost unbearable making Peter take an involuntary step back and Sirius and James flinch.

"But we saved her--" Peter began.

"And we can save anyone else. I mean it's _us._" Sirius said gesturing to himself and the others with a quick thoughtless wave of his hand. And to anybody else that would have been enough explanation. They were the Marauders. But to the four members of their already infamous group, that was a reason to worry all in and of itself.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Becoming conscious had never been this painless. At least not for Lily… It was usually accompanied with some broken bones, a split lip, an eye swollen shut, another wonderful bruise she would have to work to hide from the world; almost always courtesy of her sister and that wonderful boyfriend of hers. But this time it was just like when your dead tired and you doze of in the bathtub. You feel like your floating in warmness, deceptively safe and secure, but then you realize that you have to sit up. You have to breath…or at least, your supposed to. And you sit up and you feel cold and unprotected and vulnerable. 

Lily started to sit up, ignoring the unwelcome side effects that had come with the loss of blood. She held her wrist up and the first thing that struck her was how clean it was. No dried blood, no brown-red of a hastily formed scab. A confused look settled upon delicate features as she held her wrist up and twisted it around in front of her face. It was sore, it always was the morning after. But it couldn't have cleaned itself. Probably those Marauder boys. But if it had been them she was surprised she didn't have the green hair to show for it.

She was about to continue her musing when an unexpected bang echoed behind her followed by frantic footsteps. Lily hurriedly climbed slightly shakily and albeit stiffly to her feet. She spun around hastily shoving her previously injured wrist behind her back defensively. And found herself bumped face to face with a girl with brown eyes, brown shoulder length hair and a Gryffindor uniform. 

That's all for this chapter. But fear not I have the next one written. Well mostly…grimace but oh well that's better than normal. **_Plus, June 9 is my birthday so give me a present and review_**. Hehe. I'll post the next chapter at five reviews. Thanx.

arimel—I updated a lot quicker than last time…:P 

unicornjewel—Thanx! I love when I get put on peeps favorite authors list.

EuGIeBeAr—You doubted I would continue…oh ho! Ye of lil faith…

CrazieBabieMeg—That was better than last time.

wAkE-mE-uP-iNsIdE—o. I'm glad. 

I Still Have No Life—I love yours too. 

KeeperOfTheMoon—thanx. PS my favorite quote of all time is from one of your stories.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own I'm Gonna Fly, Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Ha I own Meg. Or Meg owns Meg…One of the two.

**__**

Chapter Thirteen

So I'm Gonna Fly. 

The girls stopped just short of Lily, a startled look on her features. It was clear she wasn't expecting anyone. Lily stood a little shakily, her body reminding her that it was trying to function with less blood than usual. She took a step back and tried to lean her weight against the stove without looking to out of the ordinary and not make the girl suspicious. 
Lily forced her tired brain to try to come up with the girl's name. She felt she should know it. The girl was in her house, in her year, in her dorm. But Lily had never ever been social and none of them had really gone out of their way to get to know her. But she was spared the impending mental exhaustion when the girl spoke up.

"Oh…hi, sorry I wasn't expecting to see anyone here. I just left my book and—" Realization suddenly seemed to dawn on the girls face. "What are you doing in here?"

Lily desperately tried to think of a solid reason, a decent excuse. Yet after almost 48 hours with little sleep, her mind wasn't as sharp as normal. Instead she went on defensive. "I could ask you the same question."

"Well, in that case, I asked you first. And besides, I mean," said the girl with a small laugh, "how personal can it be?"

"I didn't say it was personal, did I?" Lily responded. Maybe it wouldn't be too obvious that she was stalling for time. She needed to avoid the truth at virtually all cost. She already had managed to get the Marauders on her case, she didn't need her dorm-mates on her too.

The nameless fourth year's eyebrow went up in response. "If it's not personal, then why are you avoiding telling me?"

Cornered Lily tried the only thing she had left. "Look, as much fun as I'm having standing here playing twenty questions with you, I've got to get going. I have to get a shower before class and get breakfast and I forgot to look at the schedule this morning so I have no idea what class I have first."

"Defense Against the Dark Arts with Slytherin," the girl responded instantly. "We all do." But it didn't sound snobbish like most of her classmates said it. It came out as if she was genuinely trying to be helpful to a girl she didn't know. 

"Uh. Thank you." This was a new sensation for Lily. She usually didn't talk to people and if she did they treated her like dirt in return. "I'm sorry. I know we share a dorm but I can't remember your name."

The girl look thrown off by the sudden attitude adjustment she had just witnessed. "It's Meg. Or at least that's what I go by. And your ah—"

"Lily."

The dark haired girl smiled as she pushed her hair behind her ear. "Knew it started with an L. Anyway, since I have my book and you are going to take a shower, wanna walk back with me?"

It was a simple little invitation and since she had a cover story to keep, she reluctantly nodded. "Ok."

Lily pushed herself away from the counter and her head swam from trying to function with the blood loss she had suffered. The girl seemed to notice. She paused, obviously unsure of what to do. "Are you feeling alright?"

"Yeah," replied Lily with a slight quiver in her voice, making it sound like it was anything but alright. She took a few steps and a wave of nausea overtook her. Bile rose in her constricting throat and she almost choked on it. She fought it back, swallowing hard. She weakly nodded.

Meg eyes were wide as she watched Lily fight to keep herself from being sick. "No, you're not ok. You should go to the infirmary."

At the mention of the place Lily had escaped from less than ten hours ago, she shook her head vehemently. She didn't dare talk afraid of what her body might do if she opened her mouth. She slumped back down against the counter and pulled herself a few feet to the right so that she was leaning over the sink. Her short hair fell limply around her face framing her vision. She swallowed hard a few times before daring to speak. "No, I'm ok. Just give me a minute."

Lily didn't even need to turn around. She could feel Meg scowling at her back. A dubious voice split the air. "Alright," she stated, sounding as if it wasn't. "It's your life." Meg's words unwittingly brought her own continued exhistance, back to the forefront of her mind.

She didn't need to kill herself yet. She could bide her time, wait out the week. But one thing was for sure. No matter what she was going to fly.

**__**

I'm sorry it took so long for me to update. I really am. But I was bored during english today so made an outline for this story. And so now that I know where I'm taking it I can do something with it. Am I right? Ya know I am! So thanx to the following people for reviewing. 

**_ladybird2223_****_—My bum is soo not scurvy! _**

**_Vegea Kalorale_****_—Great! You found my other story too. Good for you._**

**_icemint_****_—Oh she'll change alright but give it some time. _**

**_Jen-Jen3_****_—Thanx._**

Heather—Yeah I'm trying to get a hold of someone to check it for me. Should be within the next couple chapters.

**_The Dark Vella_****_—POWER TO DARK L/J FICS! _**

**_Neila Nuruodo the Chiss_****_—You should be ashamed._**

Christina—Welcome to my cult! Pleased to have another valued Member.

CrazieBabieMeg—And she has a name! :P 

a reader—Thank you! 

**_Remy's Gurl_****_—That was my favorite part too. _**

**_Alriadne_****_—I'm sorry to hear about you and your boyfriend. I'm glad I could brighten your day like your review brightened mine. _**

**_KeeperOfTheMoon_****_— "So are you going to cook now?" "You can get Lucky Charms yourself!"_**

Starborn—No, I haven't but I'll try them. 

Jess S—That was fast but this one wasn't. Sorry. blush


	15. Chapter Fourteen

**__**

I'm Gonna Fly

Summary: Lily has led a not so pretty life and now she can only think of one way out and that way is to Fly.

Rating: R for mature themes and language.

Warning: This has suicide and cutting as a very prominent theme. If that offends you, I am warning you now. And unless your in a really freaked up situation that I don't even want to know about, some one is not holding a gun to your head forcing you to read my story. And if so I am flattered that the gunman is forcing you to read my story instead of another.

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. J.K. Rowlings does. And I don't own I'm Gonna Fly, Sydney Forest does. But if you feel like suing go ahead I will laugh my head off and see if there are any hotties in the court room. Ha I own Meg. Or Meg owns Meg…One of the two.

Author Note: **_I WILL FINISH THIS STORY IF IT KILLS ME!_**

Chapter 14

And see for myself what it looks like from up there.

The footsteps echoed down the empty corridor, making just the two peoples footsteps sound like an army and the eminent silence making the noise seem so much louder than it should. The thoughts rattled around in Lily's brain were just as dark as the shadows cast by the flickering torches that crossed her path and made there way along her shoes. They seemed to pull at her, trying desperately to lure her off into their world, where they would whisper their secrets to her till she could no longer bear it.

She drew her eyes up away from her feet and stared blankly at the portraits that adorned the wall. She stared at each face and thought about the irony of it. The object of the picture would feel a great feeling of self-satisfaction about their pictures hanging on the wall. But did it really matter for none of those walking these halls knew who they were.

She focused on the back of Meg's head. Standing next to another human being made Lily realize how horrifying her appearance must be. Her hair was matted with mud from her early trek through the Forbidden Forest. Lily grimaced the snarls would probably never come out. A scratch on her check pulled as she frowned. 

She reached up to touch it and the fabric rubbed against her still tender wrist. She had a promise to keep she was glad robes were part of the uniform. James would have noticed the fresh scars. She unbuttoned the cuff and rolled back the sleeve, fully expecting to see dried blood caked to her arm. Lily's eyes flew open at the barely visible white line that showed where the knife had left its marking. She must have made some sort of noise for Meg whirled around. "What?"

Lily swallowed, "Nothing. Just sort of started to trip, that's all."

Meg looked skeptical, switching her book to her other arm resting the bottom of it on his hip. "Whatever you say," she murmured. She brushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear with the back of her hand. "You're kinda strange, you know that?" With that she pivoted and walked away.

"No, I didn't know," she muttered sardonically under her breath. "Thanks for enlightening me."

Meg turned, brown hair fanning out as she whirled. "What did you say?"

Lily feigned impudence. "I didn't say anything."

Meg's eyes narrowed for a second and Lily could see the thoughts behind them. "Whatever."

Lily resumed walking so Meg seemed to force herself to do the same. The steps echoed for another half a minute that had managed to stretch out to seem like an eternity. It was an empty silence; the kind that with everything in it screamed to be broken. And Meg answered its silent plea.

"I don't remember seeing you at the start of term feast, or class yesterday for that fact."

Lily didn't respond. She forced her eyes to stay resolutely focused on the long stone corridor that seemed to trail into darkness. The torches magically lit as they came within distance leaving three ahead and three behind lit at all times.

Meg tried again. "I mean, we're used to not seeing you around the dormitory, seeing as your always in the common room doing homework when we go to sleep and up studying at the break of day," she covered awkwardly.

She glanced over at the red-head to see that her thoughts were a million miles away, her eyes half-opened and unfocused. Meg gave up all hope of conversation and began to whistle a song of the wireless that she liked. The cheery little upbeat melody seemed so out of place with the dark, chilled air that surrounded them.

They turned a corner and proceeded up a flight of stairs, Meg still whistling her uplifting song to cover the awkwardness of the moment. Lily's eyes wandered as she used the handrail to keep herself moving forward as she stared at the portraits on the walls. The sleeping witches and wizards looked so content. They seemed to mock her she didn't even try not to look at them knowing the pointlessness of doing so now. They were all around she could not escape the contented memorials of the countless lives. 

She switched her focus inwards and tried to clear her thoughts. She breathed deeply and concentrated on what it would be like to be a void. The little voices that she heard on an almost daily basis whispered and she concentrated on the idea of being deaf. Of living in darkness, never having seen or known light. She almost succeeded when she felt a hand on her arm.

She gasped and turned to meet Meg's expectant gaze. She looked over Meg shoulder and saw the fat lady portrait standing open obviously waiting for the girls to enter. "Are you coming or not?" Meg asked trying to be patient. The edge to her voice betrayed her. 

Lily shook her head to clear it, dirty red locks brushing briefly against her checks. Standing next to Meg the light shining of her brown hair reminded Lily how long it had been since she had taken a shower. "Yeah. Right behind you." 

Lily watched the fourteen-year-old hit her knees, she let her mind wonder one last time to the new scar on her wrist. She briefly wondered who had cleaned it but pushed the thought from her mind. She was safe as long as it wasn't James. In fact, even if it was it didn't matter. There was a difference between 'death' and 'dying'. She thought back to the criss-cross lines on James' wrist. Surely, of all people he knew that. 

**__**

Hey I'm back again. Sorry it took so long. I apologize I promise that the updates will come along A LOT more frequently. I want to thank all those who reviewed though I don't think I will leave little comments to you all but I'll throw your name in here so you know I still love you.

**_iamaiceskater08_****_, _****_Rowan Arkenson_****_, _****_icemint_****_, _****_Neo-Queen Serenity_****_, _****_Neila Nuruodo the Chiss_****_, gypsywitch, _****_FEAngel258_****_, _****_Tears of a Fairy Queen_****_, theantisocial1, _****_Leeanna-Marie-Malfoy_****_, craziebabymeg, starborn, _****_Remy's Gurl_****_, _****_Alriadne_****_, _****_Vegea Kalorale_****_, _****_High?D_**

**__**


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